Weekly Challenge 4: At Lagour

[heliopausa.livejournal.com]

For Challenge 4: Natural disaster
500-odd words.
Warning for deaths.

I really wanted to break away and write something light this week, or maybe a drabble, but no... the muse and the prompt led me straight back to Gloomyville...

At Lagour


They had told us that the fires belched and flung up great rocks of flame incessantly, but that like a seething pot atop a fire it could not boil over to our destruction, since no lid pressed down the flames to force a rebellion (for so it is with men and slaves; too great a pressure from above will always force a rebellion, as witness the Rising of Mazuran in the time of the Tisroc Nabeed, therefore subtlety and gentleness are tools for government as surely as the strong hand, as we are taught, as we teach, as I taught them…  )  

And it was these matters I pondered and expounded to them, to my joy, my beloved bright flower, and to her cousin, the daughter of the Tarkaan. For it was my duty to teach them all things as became those who were destined for high place, Handmaids of Zardeenah, therefore we travelled that they might see the wonders and the glories of our empire, and might learn from me what of history and what of economy would best serve them when they were sworn as Counsellors and Memory in far provinces, when those who now serve have passed through the Gate of Tash, and the new must take up the mighty work of government in matters great and small.

And those two were joyous in their youth and strength, and eager in their learning as in all things, and so I gave assent to their yearning to ascend the Flaming Mountain, and watched them as they took ship across the strait, and watched with the love of a mother for her daughters – surely with more love than their own mothers had for them, who sent them away to enter this Service, which cuts us off from all family forever – as the sails of that boat drew close to the Flaming Mountain, and saw with the eye of the mind how those two were leaping ashore and laughing and singing as they climbed hand-in-hand the Mountain, my shining joy and her cousin, to stand breathless and exultant at last on that great and terrible rim.

Tash!  Tash!  Tash!  How can I speak of what I saw then, watching from across the strait?

The glory of Tash, the terror of Tash burst from the mountain, leaping living flame which … I know not.  Yet I do know…  leaping living flame which devoured those two bright flowers in an instant, all, all in an instant, burned up and gone, whirled into a cinder at the will of Tash, whose terrible glory rolled down the sides of that mountain burning into my eyes, and into my mind, and leaving me, though I watched from safety across the strait, leaving me, the old woman, safe and a burnt-out cinder.

And so I linger here at Lagour, unable to tear my eyes from that Mountain.  The news will have gone to Tashbaan, and maybe the Sisters, or maybe the fathers and the uncles may yet come to find me here … but it does not matter what happens now.

Comments

[rthstewart.livejournal.com]

WAAAH! I wish you hadn't killed them!!! SOB I love the crones in fic. The wise-woman is such a powerful character and image. She is, in this tiny glimpse, a great character. Further, I love the glimpse of worldbuilding of orders of women priestesses who serve as counselors and memory. Well done -- but for the tragic maiden death.

[heliopausa.livejournal.com]

oh, I'm sorry! (really!) If I'd thought harder I would have found a way for them to not die. Here's a promise: the next time I do one of these, no-one's going to die! :) Thank you for gently pointing out how I might do this better!

This came from memories of whoever-it-was watching Pompeii from over the water, and came so easily I began to be worried in case I'd plagiarised some other fiction (if anybody recognises it, please tell me!). Zardeenah's order came from the old Calormene(ish) proverb: 'By day the warrior does great deeds, but night brings counsel'.

[rthstewart.livejournal.com]

Tragic maiden death is not criticism! It's tragic maiden death and, therefore, tragic. It's a cool story and no apologies!!! I love the inspiration being taken from Pompeii. That's a great idea!

[heliopausa.livejournal.com]

Oh, I was thinking you were gently pointing out that it was that it was too much easy pathos - and it is easier to write tragedy than comedy. Or I find it is, anyway.

I'm glad you like the Counsellors and Memory role for the Handmaids of Zardeenah, too. And thank you for the encouraging reply to my panic!

[edenfalling]

This is really beautiful -- I love the formal and ever-so-slightly ritualized phrasing the old priestess uses. I also like the hints of Calormene culture and history, and the way the volcano is paralleled both to a boiling pot and to the restlessness of the people... and then the idea that a volcano is ever safe is revealed as the airy fantasy it is, just as the persistent rebellions we hear of in HHB reveal the idea that there is a way to gentle the inherent oppression of slavery as another lie.

[heliopausa.livejournal.com]

Thank you -- I really appreciate this feedback and encouragement.
I loved making up the scraps of history and culture! (I found it dangerously distracting, in fact.) And I'm glad you liked the voice of the old, grieving, Sister-Tutor.

[starbrowsings.livejournal.com]

I immediately saw Pompeii throughout this fic - terrific! I really loved the idea of the Handmaids of Zardeenah and the inevitability of the eruption and tying it back to Tash's wrath; it was supremely epic and ancient, and classically tragic, and Calormene in tone and storytelling. Which hopefully were all the things you were going for here! If so, it worked! :D

[heliopausa.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Classically tragic, yes, and Calormene in tone, and I wanted to hint at the whole workings of the political/religious order (and Order), at this time in Calormene history. I'm really glad you saw Pompeii in it -- I was influenced by vague memories of Pliny across the bay. But I wasn't meaning that the eruption was inevitable -- or not right then, anyway, though sooner or later, yes. :( But those two girls -- it was just that they were there at the moment when it happened.

[snacky]

I saw an exhibit on Pompeii recently, and this instantly recalled the descriptions from witnesses. I liked this small glimpse into Calormen society - one of the things I love most about Narnia fanfic is what a great job authors do on fleshing out the tiny details of the world Lewis created, and this is one of those stories that does that very well!

[heliopausa.livejournal.com]

Hey, great that it reminded you of Pompeii! :) and thank you!

and thank you as well for that lovely picture for Challenge No. 5 (now that I've typed that, it looks uncannily close to Chanel No 5! ).

[snacky]

The thing about the Pompeii exhibit that really struck me was the sudden horror of it all, and I think that you captured that feeling well here.

Glad you liked it! I have a folder full of Narnia picture prompts - I think there are others Song will use for future prompts.